So, that speech..... Let me say right off that I agreed with much of what Harrison Butker said. I even cheered audibly at much of it. But I had misgivings about some of his thoughts. I fully realize this was a graduation speech and not every point could be elaborated upon, but his words have been a sort of catalyst for some mind churning on my part: a need to thoughtfully flesh out what it means for a man to “step up” in a marriage. What does ‘responsibility’ and ‘duty’ look like concretely in a Catholic father who wishes his wife to be a stay at home mom? I have ruminated over this topic of family life long before Harrison Butker came upon the scene. So, this is just me articulating my thoughts on how the Catholic father’s role actually plays out in the particular day to day scenario? And is a husband willing to do what he needs to do in this scenario?
Finally! A response that manages to reflect the need for men to step up without the bashing I’ve seen in many essays. Women are bashed for “wasting their education” by staying home (at least early on). Men are bashed for wanting to treat their wives like maids. Butker is bashed for saying his wife believes her life began when they had children.
So much being bashed that was not said during the speech. But instead of a thoughtful and balanced response like yours, Catholics are engaged in a circular firing squad.
Terrific post, Denise. All your points are well-taken, and you are of course right to remind us that he was delivering a speech, not a tome. I hope your take gets wide attention, especially in the Church.
This is spot on. I gave his speech a listen just now, since, with all the hullabaloo about it, I wanted to hear it from the horse's mouth before I added to the noise.
His speech was explicitly targeting certain "diabolical lies" which our society tells young people about priests and gender roles. But as he points out, the lies vary for women and men. Young women are told that staying in the home to raise families instead of seeking careers are sacrificing their femininity, while men are constantly told that traditional is identical with toxic masculinity. Now, since the lies vary, his advice for how to resist the lies correspondingly differs. He advised women to stay in their homes and raise families to counter the lie directed at them, while he advised men to "do hard things" to challenge the equation of traditional and toxic masculinity. But the overall effect is that the advice for women is pretty specific, but the advice for men pretty abstract -- his speech, in other words, comes across as imbalanced, and seeming unfairly to target the women.
Now, I'm sure Harrison Butker would wholeheartedly agree that fatherhood qualifies as one of the "hard things" he encourages young men to do, if not one of the hardest, for all the reasons you point out in this post. But unfortunately, the structure of his speech left that ambiguous -- and by doing so, he exposed himself to attacks from all the predictable sources.
((Sources, incidentally, that can't settle with criticizing his words, but insist on skewing his comments far beyond anything he actually says. The idea that he's somehow a misogynist, considering his immense admiration for his wife (https://youtu.be/-JS7RIKSaCc?feature=shared&t=740), is culpably mendacious poppycock. There are other, better reasons for criticizing his speech, but he doesn't have to be a Nazi to be wrong about one thing -- just as he doesn't need to be a saint to be right about one thing.))
Thanks for your thoughts, Ben. I found his speech to be quite bracing in places - it made me want to cheer. I am glad you also noticed that he did not quite flesh out the Father role as much as the mothers. It was a speech after all that had a time limit. It just gave me the incentive to really lay down what I thought a Catholic father needed in order to step up and be a leader in his family so that the mother can be the heart.
I haven’t listened to that speech, after seeing Catholic women being concerned about it as well as all the other women in the audience; I like your perspective on the man’s role, as it’s something I’ve found myself worrying about! Since men are the ones who propose, and not the other way around (traditionally) they really need to be as prepared as possible in all of the ways you’ve mentioned!
I was just doing that actually - it's quite good overall, despite what the concerns I've been hearing! I think that a number of quotes may have been read the wrong way.
Finally! A response that manages to reflect the need for men to step up without the bashing I’ve seen in many essays. Women are bashed for “wasting their education” by staying home (at least early on). Men are bashed for wanting to treat their wives like maids. Butker is bashed for saying his wife believes her life began when they had children.
So much being bashed that was not said during the speech. But instead of a thoughtful and balanced response like yours, Catholics are engaged in a circular firing squad.
Terrific post, Denise. All your points are well-taken, and you are of course right to remind us that he was delivering a speech, not a tome. I hope your take gets wide attention, especially in the Church.
This is spot on. I gave his speech a listen just now, since, with all the hullabaloo about it, I wanted to hear it from the horse's mouth before I added to the noise.
His speech was explicitly targeting certain "diabolical lies" which our society tells young people about priests and gender roles. But as he points out, the lies vary for women and men. Young women are told that staying in the home to raise families instead of seeking careers are sacrificing their femininity, while men are constantly told that traditional is identical with toxic masculinity. Now, since the lies vary, his advice for how to resist the lies correspondingly differs. He advised women to stay in their homes and raise families to counter the lie directed at them, while he advised men to "do hard things" to challenge the equation of traditional and toxic masculinity. But the overall effect is that the advice for women is pretty specific, but the advice for men pretty abstract -- his speech, in other words, comes across as imbalanced, and seeming unfairly to target the women.
Now, I'm sure Harrison Butker would wholeheartedly agree that fatherhood qualifies as one of the "hard things" he encourages young men to do, if not one of the hardest, for all the reasons you point out in this post. But unfortunately, the structure of his speech left that ambiguous -- and by doing so, he exposed himself to attacks from all the predictable sources.
((Sources, incidentally, that can't settle with criticizing his words, but insist on skewing his comments far beyond anything he actually says. The idea that he's somehow a misogynist, considering his immense admiration for his wife (https://youtu.be/-JS7RIKSaCc?feature=shared&t=740), is culpably mendacious poppycock. There are other, better reasons for criticizing his speech, but he doesn't have to be a Nazi to be wrong about one thing -- just as he doesn't need to be a saint to be right about one thing.))
Thanks for your thoughts, Ben. I found his speech to be quite bracing in places - it made me want to cheer. I am glad you also noticed that he did not quite flesh out the Father role as much as the mothers. It was a speech after all that had a time limit. It just gave me the incentive to really lay down what I thought a Catholic father needed in order to step up and be a leader in his family so that the mother can be the heart.
I haven’t listened to that speech, after seeing Catholic women being concerned about it as well as all the other women in the audience; I like your perspective on the man’s role, as it’s something I’ve found myself worrying about! Since men are the ones who propose, and not the other way around (traditionally) they really need to be as prepared as possible in all of the ways you’ve mentioned!
You should read his speech:
https://www.ncregister.com/news/harrison-butker-speech-at-benedictine?amp
I was just doing that actually - it's quite good overall, despite what the concerns I've been hearing! I think that a number of quotes may have been read the wrong way.
Absolutely. You won’t even BELIEVE how what he’s saying is being completely ignored and twisted…by Catholics!! Lord help us.
Indeed! It’s very sad.
Excellent points!